Trips of the Life time

It was surreal, when the sun went down, last few of its  rays , embracing blue mountains and tall oak trees. In midst of the whispering winds , one could almost hear sun making a promise to come back tomorrow.We stood still , all three of us , soaking the time in its glory .

There are a few moments , in our lives , which break the monotony, we are living in and become memories . While accepting the new normal of living , my heart goes back to these again and again , may be to relive the sheer joy or derive strength and energy from them.


This beautiful sunset was a memory from an all girls trip. I could best compare it to reading a long forgotten book again, turning the pages , finding lost book marks and dog ears on parts you loved, laughed with, felt the pain , unraveling deepest of emotions in a short time . 

Does the friendship also grows as we age or is it the one who keeps us young ?
Living the formative years together has bought us on the same page on small but important things such as therapeutic effect of shopping -the retail therapy or the 10 PM deadline to call it a night! or the importance of getting the picture clicked , even if the photographer is a tired hotel guest passing by or a disappointed steakhouse sever who just realized , we are there for just the picture and not going to eat at the restaurant .Though we dd quiz her on the menu for vegetarian options!! Its the thing you can only do it with your friends . Am I right or Am I right? It should be a MUST item on the checklist of having Fun!..There was also an instance , when one of us flaunted the skirt she was wearing and the lady in the shop complimenting on it, but I would rather not comment more on it:).

Then how easily the leg pulling and giggling transformed to a heart to heart, fire side chat . The conversations drifted to relationships, family, the insecurities and glimpses of inner strength. It was so good to pause and reflect at the journeys to see how far ,we all had come in our lives.


Then , there are memories of the trip with another set of friends , which never happened or may be happens too often.If I have to choose some people,who give me the feeling of being home , a feeling of strong belonging, its with these girls. Its like, when we are together the time travels back and we are the same school girls again minus the pigtails(Though I could totally make it a theme for the next one ). When we are together "where" seizes to matter . Its the same warmth of "Fateh sagar wali coffee" which binds even if its a virtual meeting or its the actual paaal.
I can go on and on about struggles or wins at work , to new leaf shoots on my new plants or what new my 8 year old is doing or even Hubby's mango colored hat :) . We take personal , professional advice from one another and can totally be mimicking them the next. When we grow old , its these friends, whom I will become mischievous with and pull each others' walking sticks  or may be hide  each others specs or dentures and then make fun! . We will absolutely, tease each other about the childhood crushes when we will be 80.


While , we are travelling , there is another one which I want to take again and again. It was the trip from Bangalore to Ooti and S went to about 5 dvd shops to get the perfect print of DDLJ because of course its my favorite movie, to play in the bus we took. A mushy gesture , but it just stayed with me over the years :). I  love him for making that happen.  May be he can outdo himself by buying diamonds sometime or will he Naaah!!!!! . Now he has my heart , if he eats healthy ! and does not play loud music in the living room.


How can I forget the special 4th july weekend, which was spent in pursuit of a road where there is sea on both sides. We travelled about 200 miles and took a ferry never realizing that its taking us about 400 miles from home !. We were 5 adults and a 1.5 year old with absolutely no things or food and no plants to spend the 2 nights away from home !. It was still one of the most beautiful trips I had . The sheer joy of watching my toddler nephew getting excited seeing the dolphins !. He was elated on the ferry , jumping with joy going up and down the stairs . That smile is etched in my memory . We had so much fun going shopping the first thing waking up in the morning!!  Did we get to drive on the seaside drive?? ha ha we didn't even care !


Times like current , with no weekend plans, no upcoming trips make us relish the small joys which are filling the heart in a big way . May be its a wake up call to think and redefine "essential' for us. For me it will be overcoming the fears which grip the mind and reach out to this book of memories , more often .

Letter to my 25 years old self

Dear 25 year old  Me,

You dont know me yet , but I know you more than yourself. Somewhere in the axis of time and space , we both are living our lives in parallel , Since I am ahead, thought of sharing some insights with you . May be somethings you would relate to, immediately and for some which do not make complete sense as of now ,  I want you to trust to me.

Well first thing first , you look great. Take good care of yourself and you will be looking like this when you become me :) . Appreciate yourself more , enjoy what you have . Never say or feel you are not thin . fair , intelligent or courageous enough . You are the best version of yourself , like and love yourself . Also keep working on it coz some day you have to be me .. ha ha :) :) didn't mean it in a smug kinda way but in a nice happy kinda way !!

Enjoy this beautiful time. Make new friends, foster new relationships but dont forget the old ones. They have shaped you for what you are today . Respect those relationships. invest time and thoughts in them ,they will be your support system and so would be you for them.
Enjoy the fruit of your hard work . Enjoy this independent carefree life, which you craved for from the time you came into existence.
Also respect this freedom and appreciate what Ma and Papa and most importantly Nani have taught you - Live life in your own terms , be firm but not rigid, be assertive but not rude , be strong in your beliefs but also open to other's ideas.The world is your oyster , Focus and there is nothing which you cant achieve .

Be grateful - Remeber , how much that thought resonated with you -When your friend said, once he landed a good job , he as stopped asking God anything for himself , because God has given you a launchpad, a foundation which he can build upon. Dear Me , I know you believe in this too.

Spend every diwali at home- Yes celebrate each diwali with your parents, Build more memories of the arti where every one would burst out laughing . Yup this has become almost a ritual in our family now :) the diwali arti isnt complete without the bouts of loud laughter. Even I have not figured out the reason for this but who cares . Enjoy it.  These things will change once you have more responsibilities.

Take care of your friendships- This is a different phase of life , Me , things are gonna change from how you know it. The friends will get married and have their own lives . You will not be the person your best friend will share everything now , you wouldn't be the first to know whats happening in her life . But thats OK . The relationship will change and trust me it would get better. In most of the cases you will gain a friend rather than loosing one . Yes they are what you are gonna refer as family friends later . Also with your single friends , nurture those bonds,they will be the breath of fresh air when you will be tired of the family and kids conversations, they will take you down the memory lane and remind you of your favorite song. They are the ones who are gonna take domesticity out of you when its much needed.

Believe in True love - Dont let the length of time you know him since or inane doubts of where he comes or how different you two are,  fog your mind. In matters of heart , its better if we let the heart do all the thinking. If he makes you laugh with him and gives his shoulder when you feel like crying. he is he one for you. He might not be the mushy types , and might even forget to wish you on your birthday or celebrate any anniversaries  (You can always make a big deal abt it , it has to be) but is gonna be awake whole night when you are travelling and keeps calling you every hour. He is the one for you. Believe in true love, as cliched as it sounds , it does make you a better person. There is nothing more pristine that feeling of falling in love. Say Yes! fall in love , it will take you through almost everything!

Work is not your life its part of it -Work hard and enjoy even more. You are never too busy to avoid anything which you love doing. Focus on work , get better with each passing year , learn something new whenever you get a chance. Network, with people and get inspiration from their stories. Dont judge yourself from what others think about you but take feedback seriously. Introspect and find ways to do things quicker and better . Trust me what scares you right now , will become easier later.  Its then , you need to find something which challenges you and again brings you out of your comfort zone.

Love writing - Puruse it , it will nourish your soul. Yes, I know how much you love what a string of simple words can convey . Keep writing dear. Right now its long letters to friends and family and an occasional article but you would soon realize the power of internet . There will always be some person in some corner of the world whose thoughts will resonates with yours. Did I mention it yet..yes you will have a  blog some day.

Appreciate your differences and dont succumb to any pressure from your peers - Staying away from family in a far away city has its perks and pressures . I know you feel it, I know you have experienced some big differences in culture, but thats alright. So what if you feel or see things differently . Dont change yourself for others , change only if you feel a need for it.
Also there are people who are meant to be our life for a brief period and they teach you a lot. There will be heart breaks and there will be memories to cherish. Both are life's most important lessons.

Let retail therapy work while it works for you , Yes dear me , I know you love shopping. I remember when you and your room mate refused to do laundry and when shopping instead to buy new clothes for the entire week and had a blast doing it.  Trust me , my dear , its not gonna be like this forever, clothes, shoes etc might not always be the therepy to lift your mood. At that time you will have to find a higher purpose , a passion , but while its working for you make the most of it.

Some good news for you dear Me, I know you have always found yourself more arty than techies around you and more techie when with arty types , well thats alright . most people have a more active right or left brain but its OK if you feel you are somewhere in the middle . You will do just fine.

Dear Me , Let me caution you , the world is gonna change in next 6-7 years, our lives will be invaded by smart phones , you know the one which you have right now woh "Sehwag ki Ma " wala , well, that is gonna get a metamorphosis . Soon its gonna be reflection of who you are ..difficult to fathom, I know but its gonna happen. There will be so much more to the little piece of plastic and matel you hold in your hand. It will have the windows to the outer world . There will come a stage when you will feel closer to a person sitting thousands of miles away , smiling , liking the way he celebrated his birthday , quite oblivious to whats happening to the person next to you. The human interaction is gonna reduce , there will be more of virtual interaction.
You don't understand whats the big fuss about orkut right , well that is gonna get worse. Have you heard of Facebook Yet ?

Some fun things about the world from my side, Gulzar still is writing wonderful poetry, he is your favorite and mine too. The hubby still cracks the jokes on his poetry and I happen to enjoy those too. Bollywood has improved, you will see some amazing movies coming in years which follow and last but not the least circa 2016 you are driving , and so is your best friend.!


Lots of Love,
Me in 2016

The extended ties

Feelings of love , longing and gratitude all came together when I received a message from my mama, saying , he was remembering me, just like that and how special I am for him. I wanted to write a long reply , but only managed to say that I love him to bits.

This bond with uncles and aunts is so special. They are the ones who our parents share their childhood with. So they are also only ones whom I can share the jokes around how mom will look like, with a set of dentures and  stick , when she grows old! and they will laugh as hard as I will on those. 

They are also the ones who loved us from the moment of existence and are equally proud of our achievements ,as our parents are. But the icing on the cake is, you can get Mom and dad like love and pampering minus the nagging, minus the "how you should haves" etc. 

With the generation changing every five years now, sometimes I believe its a blessing to have someone who belongs to the one between you and your parents . On the issues related to generation gaps which are so common today , they are the catalysts between parents and kids . 

At a low point in my life, my parents were supportive and of course soft, it was my mama who showed the tough love, was straight forward and I remember feeling like a grown up after that 1 hr . His struggles , his inputs were very much I could relate to and seeing him successful as an inspiration to work harder.
On the other hand , it was my other mama who had showed me how to love and live life . Taking things light ,work like a duck who paddles harder beneath the surface but is so calm and composed on the outside.

I remember , while I was sick , my masi was there on my bedside with story of merchant of Venice which mesmerized me. I sometimes still remember her voice while trying to sleep sometimes and it does help.She was the one who gifted Oliver twist, Black beauty and other classics to me, She is the sole reason I got into reading.

The older we grow the stronger the memories become . One of those is , how I learnt to make tea from my chacha and i follow that recipe till date .  This was eventually by followed by how to roll a paratha, but most importantly it was the lesson which I learnt early on from him was that one should contribute to the chores irrespective of being a boy or girl.  

I have also been blessed to have uncles and aunts who have been amazing mentors personally and  professionally. While, I took important career decisions, it was them who provided the unbiased pragmatic suggestions and also the space to sit back and analyse if those suggestions matched my aspirations and ambitions . They have been role models for me then and now as well. At tough times , I have seen him standing strong like a rock for the family , there is lot to learn from him.

Today when the definition of family is evolving , shrinking and getting limited and emphasis on extended family relationship is getting diminished , I want to treasure what I have .
When my son does the impression of my cousin, i know he feels a strong bond with her, when he  shows drawings and talks about his friends for a good two hours on face time with his masi, I am assured that this will be their equation forever .
I felt proud when he said his fingers are very small to count and family is very very long :) . Needless to say his list included Bua,bhaiyyas,masi , nana ,nani, dada dadi , mama,our pets and so on . Now, while reciting the finger family poem we include our fingers too and have additions like mama finger , bua finger....you must be getting the picture, it is indeed a cute one !I just hope he may always need extra pair of hands to count his finger family .

Fuzzy memories

Oh, how I use to look forward to much awaited winter vacation during my childhood. Usually, they followed daunting half yearly exams and meant a week of break from waking up in chilly winter mornings, savor on special winter delicacies, which extended family and neighbors obliged us with and enjoy the warm sun few hours of the day in open , before wrapping ourselves in warm rajais and call it a day .The festivities meant relishing the special chulha rotis  which my father use to happily roll and invite the neighbors and relatives over .  The angheethi use to overwork those special days, doubling up as our room heater in the morning and replacing the cooking top in nights.

Share long conversations with nani and more nanis’ over dal and dhoklas dipped in desi Ghee  . Little did I realize at that time, that they had more of life’s wisdom than all those self-help books. Those were the days when deciding the next day’s menu before ending today’s dinner with gajar halwa didn’t border on the thin line between gluttony and pleasure.

The vacations meant multiple trips to Tibetan market and clad ourselves on warm fuzzy good things. This also meant finding “Supatra”  for  yearly donation of warm wear and linens, to make space for the new ones. The quest to find something special in those big steel trunks  was one activity I use to look forward to. It was like a treasure hunt , to find something special admist the knick knacks,the old year dairies , the hand written letters , some old jewelry box and what nots .The pleasure which hand- me-downs bought during these activities, far exceeded having the new clothes. I do remember feeling on top of the world, wearing one of my masi’s half jackets come overcoat with all possible colors . Some memories are special.

Another funny incident I remember, is one where in I acted totally smug, in front my convent going cousins, planning to celebrate Christmas while decorating the Bougainvillea  tree . I not only spoilt the celebration but gave them a lecture on how this is all western influence and how I plan to celebrate Indian new year instead which is called Chaitra Shukla Pratipada ,by the way J .

The phase continued for a long time as I studied in a Hindu philosophy school and I continued to refuse to accompany my parents to the new year get together they planned to go .  I still remember the irritated look on my  Papa’s face wherein he didn’t know how to question my actions as I was following what I was taught at school . Somehow all the kids know how to give hard time to their parents.  We are born with that skill and now I can vouch for it .

While I moved away from home, the meaning these winter days carry has changed.  Angheethis are now only special sights , may be replaced as barbeques in some houses . I still yearn to have one someday.  Long conversations still happen over the phone but pauses do not convey the same as they use to.  The impatient me breaks them with hello hellos to ensure that the line is not disconnected.Its strange how our mind makes the memories feel so special.  We are able to cherish them better this way . Strangely , it was the nip in the air today morning and the adrak wali chai which bought back the above memories and this write up :)

While I dont get to relive all of the above , I still am looking forward to make most of this time of the year. With this being the end of the year and less load of work I am getting to do what I love the most. Who knows my hour and a half lunch break of today with long conversations with my office friends would become a cherished memory  sometime down the line. After all it had all the elements to be one with all the discussions on love relationships , family and yummy food .

Vagaries of Perception

It rarely happens, that we tend to read and reread a forwarded message on watsapp, but one I got today from a long lost friend which really struck a chord with me.

It was a small note from creative director of JWT titled The dirtiest secret of my life. Before your mind wonders to what it would really be about ..Her dirtiest secret was that in a career spanning across 20 years, there has never been a day when she has spent more than 8 hours in office.She cites the often misconceived notion of  a trade off  between efficiency of work with  flexibility in working hours which women often seek.

When it comes to feeling guilt for things we have done and things we have not..we women are all alike. Be it with rather successful names like Indira Nooyee &Sharyl Sandburg who have been very honest about it in public and to mango people like our moms and us . Personally speaking , I have fed this inner guilt incessantly and Since I become a mother,  may be my subconscious is trained to feed it even more.

Remember this widely shared  post on Facebook - 

Its funny isnt it but how true !
Well this is the difference between thought processes of Men and Women.We grow up with this notion of not doing enough. We are never  fair enough, tall enough , thin enough or talented enough!.

Believe me the whole beauty industry does thrive on this insecurities.
Remember , the one trip to spa and saloon , wherein you went for a single service until the service lady cited the are numerous issues with your hair and skin which their special package can totally totally take care of..and  you ended up signing up for those.

As we grow up , Its very difficult to let go of these strongly ingrained beliefs and when we assume more responsibilities at work or home , the inner voice of grows stronger and reminds us constantly that our house is not clean enough, our toddler stays way to many hours at day care ..the work we do is not good enough or we don't deserve that promotion because we really are NOT doing enough.
Being the only women in my team there is never a day when I don't feel guilty of picking up my bag sharp and 6 and leave office premises . There is never a single time when I have not felt bad of declining a meeting invite after 6 PM. Also there has never been a day so far where in I have never felt guilty of not being able to stay with my son whole day. Paradoxical isn't it.

There must be some key , some magic to just ward off these feelings, to just shoo them away when they start forming this cloud but certainly there is none.

The other day when I was discussing the same with a friend of mine about this she said something which has helped me changed this perspective. She said -you know what our kids are learning from it.? They will learn to work hard and follow their passions.
Looking back at my child hood,  I don't remember feeling lonely when my mom was at work.My sister and I had a very happy childhood and never did we feel something missing because Ma had to go to office. For us that was just NORMAL.

Someone very close to me has recently started working after a gap of 8 years and take up something which doesn't fully aligns with her qualification as well but she chose from whatever was available. On answering why -she said she wanted to be an example for her kids and Indeed, they will get perseverance and tremendous work ethic from her.


Probably it sums up to Our Choices really, but may be the key is to Not make our choices sound as compromises . The positive developments in society are conspicuous, there are husbands who was super supportive, there will always be people in Sr Management who will value the commitment and would not hesitate to  trust you with higher responsibilities. The whole idea of long hours spent at office being equated to higher productivity is changing and may be it will change for good and It probably will be sooner than we think.

The Mighty 2ft 2incher

Remember, two most cliched dialogues from 70s movies "Bachhe to bhgwaan ka roop hote hain" and "Bhagwaan ki marji k aage kiska bas chalta hai" ? Combine these two and you will get an insight on the wisdom exclusive to the the "Terrible twos" mommie club .Gone are the days of cuddly embraces , cutie drools , toothless grins and wobbly walks, which use to drive me crazy in a loving sort of way . The new Almighty avatar of Mr T is highly assertive, knows it all and is  annoyingly,Brutally cute.
He defies me , with conviction only a two year old can have , at one moment and hugs me tight and gives me a pack on the cheek ! the next. Literally makes his papa and me dance to his tunes and croons of machli jal ki rani hai, Go banana, wheels on the bus and his vary own creation Tu Tu Pan...(dont even ask me the meaning of it , I am also trying to figure out).

His whims and fancies are my command these days, I have to give away my blanket at 11PM  for his tortoise and doggy who need the cuddly comfort of blanket coz there is no fur on their plastic bodies. I melt at the the sound of two words "Siiit mamma" and get up and forget all about the sleep I was about to get engulfed with . Its 11 PM and yes there is an aerobics session I have at 6 in the morning . If this sit mamma gets followed by "ya pe sit  mamma " when points to his crib and asks me to sit next to him , leave aerobics I even forget that its night.

I happily call his Dadaji from the toy phone and tell how he is doing , what he ate and whom did he play with and suppress the bout of laughter , when he prompts to remind me of something I missed.
And yes , I dont get embarrassed when I am given a baby wipe and  asked to clean the mall floor, his play area slides and even other public places because he found them "chi chi" .

My phone is not mine at all , and yes it sadly is the property of my office which m sure they will disown seeing the state of it , for the trials and tribulations it undergoes in hands of Mr T. Give Me .GIVE ME and the shouting continues till he succeeds in snatching it from my hands. Sometimes he says "Ipad chahiye" in his sleep and I burst out laughing in the middle of the night hearing this.

The other day Mr T changed 8 T shirts and shorts to find the perfect pair, which came out to be the one he has worn last night , to go to school. My frustration turns into a smile and then laugh when he admires himself endlessly in the mirror in his slightly soiled T shirt and shirts and says "So cute!!!!"

He makes stories every now and then . Last night he was complaining that his head hurts because "Armani" has hit him there. Not to miss the fact that "Armani" has relocated to US 2 months ago. He is fascinated with friends these days , there is a Siya didi he misses every hour of the day and meets her every evening , like he is seeing her after ages!! . He has also found a role model in "Gappu bhaiyya" and follows him literally in every aspect. Sometimes that even includes calling me Shippa Aunty as Gappu bhaiyya calls me that. I am fascinated by the mentoring Gappu bhaiyya provides to him , its he who has taught Mr T how to brush, how to wash hands and I am hoping one day....One day he will even potty train Mr T.
He has a little social circle of his own now and my a large part of my friend circle are his friends mommies..and yes so comforting it is to spend time with them .
He has a special relationship with every one in the family now. Calls my cousin and his best friend Sammu numerous times in a day and has ample to talk about every time. The other day he was showing the new trutle toy to Sammu so excitedly I couldn't stop smiling . They have special games to play with each other.
Then their are special names
His circle of love and affection is growing and trust me there is no feeling better than seeing him love the people we love .

So different is the second year from the first. He is not a baby anymore but rather his own person. Has strong likes and dislikes and gosh!! he is much more demanding than any manager I have got in my career so far :).Some days, I wish I could have a remote button for life I would just pause this phase of my life. The other days I couldn't stop wondering what will he do next.

At times I wonder am I doing everything as I should be. Am I an being an over indulgent parent ? Should I be a little stricter or a little lenient .May be I am learning with him every day .., may be there is no right no wrong , together we will figure out whats best for us. I am doing what my heart says , probably it will be best for him , may be that's what they call mother's instinct.

Lousy home makers' guide to Happyness

Oh yeah ..the pile of washed clothes smirked at me first thing in the morning ..they just mock at me somehow and spare every body else.My husband enjoying his morning cuppa peacefully in front of his heavily gadget-ed desk ,too busy to even notice the  mocking. The mocking turns into disapproving unappreciative glances, if you have rather elderly guests coming over .Then the piles of clothes, disarranged wardrobes,dirty dishes disorganized kitchen cabinets and unkempt dusty corners and yes the dirty greasy fans and balcony ceiling cobwebs..they turn into these annoying attention craving babes, who will vie for your attention and if they don't get it there and then ..then be ready :D the Tag of lousy home make is here to stay ...

My granny is a perfect home maker , she is more than perfect..I just don't happen to know the superlative. My Mom a working mother , on the other hand struggled with it. Of course she had her hands full with two messy kids, a full time job , no domestic help. Of course, my dad helped but there are limitations Indian men have when it comes to house hold chores and being a perfectionist my mom is ..she never accepted it.
She always belittled her achievements and secretly nurtured this complex of not being that picture perfect home maker. Well I really feel she should know she is much more than that .

During an MBA admission interview, a senior lady professor asked me what is one thing I would like to change in my spouse and I said I wish he could help me more around the house.  Do you know what she replied , that its best if the women of the house takes care of it , that why she is called the woman of the house anyway. Now Beat that !!
We Indian women grow up with the notion that the house hold chores are our responsibilities.We never bother to ask Why? I remember neighborhood nighties and chunnis clad aunties getting out of the house to bargain with that sabji wala over aloo ka price , then managing the maids closely so that she doesn't leave that particle of dust under the telephone table, cooking ,cleaning and doing all they can to welcome the husbands and kids to sparkling clean home . There must have been more to their personalities which subsided under these responsibilities. We are bound to feel guilty of cobwebs hanging in the balcony and receiving an unflattering remark about it . Why do we take the onus to just our selves to make it everything proper around the house . If some one appropriates that the house is so well done we beam from ear to ear..Why ? It should be a collectivize responsibility and achievement  of the family as a whole.

We are are different human beings and the we should develop the maturity to accept each other or rather accept our selves ..If keeping things in order , if keeping the house spotless , cooking to the perfection day in day out, gives me pleasure , I will definitely pursue this goal with all I have got. But if I am the one who likes to take a day off now and then, who enjoys reading a book more than arranging the cupboard shelves on a Sunday, so be it . If I like going to a mall rather than stay and cheelo matar at home I will do that . The key I feel, is the acceptance i.e accepting ourselves. We should respect our hobbies our passions and set our priorities right.

So with generation, I think this gene has mutated and I have made peace with disarray of thing around. I am OK to be a lousy home maker. I dont mean to say that I detest chores ( who doesn't though ) but I set my priorities. I am ok with replacing the dead batteries in that high hung wall clock after months, I will check the time in my cell ,instead. I wont run to the store there an then to get the stuff , i order online and if I have to opt for maggi some days, I dont feel guilty about it .  I dont feel running around the maid is my job! Whats the use of domestic help if I have to go and check every day ......I clean when I feel like . I cook when I feel like. I take my days off and do the things which i feel I ought to be doing for my well being.

So today when the pile of clothes mocked , I chose to ignore and enjoyed my morning cuppa. I went to play with my munchkin and make the best of one hour I have before leaving for office .Its the bat ball time ....its Mamma dominating the women of the house and its gonna remain like this for years to come.