Fuzzy memories

Oh, how I use to look forward to much awaited winter vacation during my childhood. Usually, they followed daunting half yearly exams and meant a week of break from waking up in chilly winter mornings, savor on special winter delicacies, which extended family and neighbors obliged us with and enjoy the warm sun few hours of the day in open , before wrapping ourselves in warm rajais and call it a day .The festivities meant relishing the special chulha rotis  which my father use to happily roll and invite the neighbors and relatives over .  The angheethi use to overwork those special days, doubling up as our room heater in the morning and replacing the cooking top in nights.

Share long conversations with nani and more nanis’ over dal and dhoklas dipped in desi Ghee  . Little did I realize at that time, that they had more of life’s wisdom than all those self-help books. Those were the days when deciding the next day’s menu before ending today’s dinner with gajar halwa didn’t border on the thin line between gluttony and pleasure.

The vacations meant multiple trips to Tibetan market and clad ourselves on warm fuzzy good things. This also meant finding “Supatra”  for  yearly donation of warm wear and linens, to make space for the new ones. The quest to find something special in those big steel trunks  was one activity I use to look forward to. It was like a treasure hunt , to find something special admist the knick knacks,the old year dairies , the hand written letters , some old jewelry box and what nots .The pleasure which hand- me-downs bought during these activities, far exceeded having the new clothes. I do remember feeling on top of the world, wearing one of my masi’s half jackets come overcoat with all possible colors . Some memories are special.

Another funny incident I remember, is one where in I acted totally smug, in front my convent going cousins, planning to celebrate Christmas while decorating the Bougainvillea  tree . I not only spoilt the celebration but gave them a lecture on how this is all western influence and how I plan to celebrate Indian new year instead which is called Chaitra Shukla Pratipada ,by the way J .

The phase continued for a long time as I studied in a Hindu philosophy school and I continued to refuse to accompany my parents to the new year get together they planned to go .  I still remember the irritated look on my  Papa’s face wherein he didn’t know how to question my actions as I was following what I was taught at school . Somehow all the kids know how to give hard time to their parents.  We are born with that skill and now I can vouch for it .

While I moved away from home, the meaning these winter days carry has changed.  Angheethis are now only special sights , may be replaced as barbeques in some houses . I still yearn to have one someday.  Long conversations still happen over the phone but pauses do not convey the same as they use to.  The impatient me breaks them with hello hellos to ensure that the line is not disconnected.Its strange how our mind makes the memories feel so special.  We are able to cherish them better this way . Strangely , it was the nip in the air today morning and the adrak wali chai which bought back the above memories and this write up :)

While I dont get to relive all of the above , I still am looking forward to make most of this time of the year. With this being the end of the year and less load of work I am getting to do what I love the most. Who knows my hour and a half lunch break of today with long conversations with my office friends would become a cherished memory  sometime down the line. After all it had all the elements to be one with all the discussions on love relationships , family and yummy food .

Vagaries of Perception

It rarely happens, that we tend to read and reread a forwarded message on watsapp, but one I got today from a long lost friend which really struck a chord with me.

It was a small note from creative director of JWT titled The dirtiest secret of my life. Before your mind wonders to what it would really be about ..Her dirtiest secret was that in a career spanning across 20 years, there has never been a day when she has spent more than 8 hours in office.She cites the often misconceived notion of  a trade off  between efficiency of work with  flexibility in working hours which women often seek.

When it comes to feeling guilt for things we have done and things we have not..we women are all alike. Be it with rather successful names like Indira Nooyee &Sharyl Sandburg who have been very honest about it in public and to mango people like our moms and us . Personally speaking , I have fed this inner guilt incessantly and Since I become a mother,  may be my subconscious is trained to feed it even more.

Remember this widely shared  post on Facebook - 

Its funny isnt it but how true !
Well this is the difference between thought processes of Men and Women.We grow up with this notion of not doing enough. We are never  fair enough, tall enough , thin enough or talented enough!.

Believe me the whole beauty industry does thrive on this insecurities.
Remember , the one trip to spa and saloon , wherein you went for a single service until the service lady cited the are numerous issues with your hair and skin which their special package can totally totally take care of..and  you ended up signing up for those.

As we grow up , Its very difficult to let go of these strongly ingrained beliefs and when we assume more responsibilities at work or home , the inner voice of grows stronger and reminds us constantly that our house is not clean enough, our toddler stays way to many hours at day care ..the work we do is not good enough or we don't deserve that promotion because we really are NOT doing enough.
Being the only women in my team there is never a day when I don't feel guilty of picking up my bag sharp and 6 and leave office premises . There is never a single time when I have not felt bad of declining a meeting invite after 6 PM. Also there has never been a day so far where in I have never felt guilty of not being able to stay with my son whole day. Paradoxical isn't it.

There must be some key , some magic to just ward off these feelings, to just shoo them away when they start forming this cloud but certainly there is none.

The other day when I was discussing the same with a friend of mine about this she said something which has helped me changed this perspective. She said -you know what our kids are learning from it.? They will learn to work hard and follow their passions.
Looking back at my child hood,  I don't remember feeling lonely when my mom was at work.My sister and I had a very happy childhood and never did we feel something missing because Ma had to go to office. For us that was just NORMAL.

Someone very close to me has recently started working after a gap of 8 years and take up something which doesn't fully aligns with her qualification as well but she chose from whatever was available. On answering why -she said she wanted to be an example for her kids and Indeed, they will get perseverance and tremendous work ethic from her.


Probably it sums up to Our Choices really, but may be the key is to Not make our choices sound as compromises . The positive developments in society are conspicuous, there are husbands who was super supportive, there will always be people in Sr Management who will value the commitment and would not hesitate to  trust you with higher responsibilities. The whole idea of long hours spent at office being equated to higher productivity is changing and may be it will change for good and It probably will be sooner than we think.