Vagaries of Perception

It rarely happens, that we tend to read and reread a forwarded message on watsapp, but one I got today from a long lost friend which really struck a chord with me.

It was a small note from creative director of JWT titled The dirtiest secret of my life. Before your mind wonders to what it would really be about ..Her dirtiest secret was that in a career spanning across 20 years, there has never been a day when she has spent more than 8 hours in office.She cites the often misconceived notion of  a trade off  between efficiency of work with  flexibility in working hours which women often seek.

When it comes to feeling guilt for things we have done and things we have not..we women are all alike. Be it with rather successful names like Indira Nooyee &Sharyl Sandburg who have been very honest about it in public and to mango people like our moms and us . Personally speaking , I have fed this inner guilt incessantly and Since I become a mother,  may be my subconscious is trained to feed it even more.

Remember this widely shared  post on Facebook - 

Its funny isnt it but how true !
Well this is the difference between thought processes of Men and Women.We grow up with this notion of not doing enough. We are never  fair enough, tall enough , thin enough or talented enough!.

Believe me the whole beauty industry does thrive on this insecurities.
Remember , the one trip to spa and saloon , wherein you went for a single service until the service lady cited the are numerous issues with your hair and skin which their special package can totally totally take care of..and  you ended up signing up for those.

As we grow up , Its very difficult to let go of these strongly ingrained beliefs and when we assume more responsibilities at work or home , the inner voice of grows stronger and reminds us constantly that our house is not clean enough, our toddler stays way to many hours at day care ..the work we do is not good enough or we don't deserve that promotion because we really are NOT doing enough.
Being the only women in my team there is never a day when I don't feel guilty of picking up my bag sharp and 6 and leave office premises . There is never a single time when I have not felt bad of declining a meeting invite after 6 PM. Also there has never been a day so far where in I have never felt guilty of not being able to stay with my son whole day. Paradoxical isn't it.

There must be some key , some magic to just ward off these feelings, to just shoo them away when they start forming this cloud but certainly there is none.

The other day when I was discussing the same with a friend of mine about this she said something which has helped me changed this perspective. She said -you know what our kids are learning from it.? They will learn to work hard and follow their passions.
Looking back at my child hood,  I don't remember feeling lonely when my mom was at work.My sister and I had a very happy childhood and never did we feel something missing because Ma had to go to office. For us that was just NORMAL.

Someone very close to me has recently started working after a gap of 8 years and take up something which doesn't fully aligns with her qualification as well but she chose from whatever was available. On answering why -she said she wanted to be an example for her kids and Indeed, they will get perseverance and tremendous work ethic from her.


Probably it sums up to Our Choices really, but may be the key is to Not make our choices sound as compromises . The positive developments in society are conspicuous, there are husbands who was super supportive, there will always be people in Sr Management who will value the commitment and would not hesitate to  trust you with higher responsibilities. The whole idea of long hours spent at office being equated to higher productivity is changing and may be it will change for good and It probably will be sooner than we think.