Letter to my 25 years old self

Dear 25 year old  Me,

You dont know me yet , but I know you more than yourself. Somewhere in the axis of time and space , we both are living our lives in parallel , Since I am ahead, thought of sharing some insights with you . May be somethings you would relate to, immediately and for some which do not make complete sense as of now ,  I want you to trust to me.

Well first thing first , you look great. Take good care of yourself and you will be looking like this when you become me :) . Appreciate yourself more , enjoy what you have . Never say or feel you are not thin . fair , intelligent or courageous enough . You are the best version of yourself , like and love yourself . Also keep working on it coz some day you have to be me .. ha ha :) :) didn't mean it in a smug kinda way but in a nice happy kinda way !!

Enjoy this beautiful time. Make new friends, foster new relationships but dont forget the old ones. They have shaped you for what you are today . Respect those relationships. invest time and thoughts in them ,they will be your support system and so would be you for them.
Enjoy the fruit of your hard work . Enjoy this independent carefree life, which you craved for from the time you came into existence.
Also respect this freedom and appreciate what Ma and Papa and most importantly Nani have taught you - Live life in your own terms , be firm but not rigid, be assertive but not rude , be strong in your beliefs but also open to other's ideas.The world is your oyster , Focus and there is nothing which you cant achieve .

Be grateful - Remeber , how much that thought resonated with you -When your friend said, once he landed a good job , he as stopped asking God anything for himself , because God has given you a launchpad, a foundation which he can build upon. Dear Me , I know you believe in this too.

Spend every diwali at home- Yes celebrate each diwali with your parents, Build more memories of the arti where every one would burst out laughing . Yup this has become almost a ritual in our family now :) the diwali arti isnt complete without the bouts of loud laughter. Even I have not figured out the reason for this but who cares . Enjoy it.  These things will change once you have more responsibilities.

Take care of your friendships- This is a different phase of life , Me , things are gonna change from how you know it. The friends will get married and have their own lives . You will not be the person your best friend will share everything now , you wouldn't be the first to know whats happening in her life . But thats OK . The relationship will change and trust me it would get better. In most of the cases you will gain a friend rather than loosing one . Yes they are what you are gonna refer as family friends later . Also with your single friends , nurture those bonds,they will be the breath of fresh air when you will be tired of the family and kids conversations, they will take you down the memory lane and remind you of your favorite song. They are the ones who are gonna take domesticity out of you when its much needed.

Believe in True love - Dont let the length of time you know him since or inane doubts of where he comes or how different you two are,  fog your mind. In matters of heart , its better if we let the heart do all the thinking. If he makes you laugh with him and gives his shoulder when you feel like crying. he is he one for you. He might not be the mushy types , and might even forget to wish you on your birthday or celebrate any anniversaries  (You can always make a big deal abt it , it has to be) but is gonna be awake whole night when you are travelling and keeps calling you every hour. He is the one for you. Believe in true love, as cliched as it sounds , it does make you a better person. There is nothing more pristine that feeling of falling in love. Say Yes! fall in love , it will take you through almost everything!

Work is not your life its part of it -Work hard and enjoy even more. You are never too busy to avoid anything which you love doing. Focus on work , get better with each passing year , learn something new whenever you get a chance. Network, with people and get inspiration from their stories. Dont judge yourself from what others think about you but take feedback seriously. Introspect and find ways to do things quicker and better . Trust me what scares you right now , will become easier later.  Its then , you need to find something which challenges you and again brings you out of your comfort zone.

Love writing - Puruse it , it will nourish your soul. Yes, I know how much you love what a string of simple words can convey . Keep writing dear. Right now its long letters to friends and family and an occasional article but you would soon realize the power of internet . There will always be some person in some corner of the world whose thoughts will resonates with yours. Did I mention it yet..yes you will have a  blog some day.

Appreciate your differences and dont succumb to any pressure from your peers - Staying away from family in a far away city has its perks and pressures . I know you feel it, I know you have experienced some big differences in culture, but thats alright. So what if you feel or see things differently . Dont change yourself for others , change only if you feel a need for it.
Also there are people who are meant to be our life for a brief period and they teach you a lot. There will be heart breaks and there will be memories to cherish. Both are life's most important lessons.

Let retail therapy work while it works for you , Yes dear me , I know you love shopping. I remember when you and your room mate refused to do laundry and when shopping instead to buy new clothes for the entire week and had a blast doing it.  Trust me , my dear , its not gonna be like this forever, clothes, shoes etc might not always be the therepy to lift your mood. At that time you will have to find a higher purpose , a passion , but while its working for you make the most of it.

Some good news for you dear Me, I know you have always found yourself more arty than techies around you and more techie when with arty types , well thats alright . most people have a more active right or left brain but its OK if you feel you are somewhere in the middle . You will do just fine.

Dear Me , Let me caution you , the world is gonna change in next 6-7 years, our lives will be invaded by smart phones , you know the one which you have right now woh "Sehwag ki Ma " wala , well, that is gonna get a metamorphosis . Soon its gonna be reflection of who you are ..difficult to fathom, I know but its gonna happen. There will be so much more to the little piece of plastic and matel you hold in your hand. It will have the windows to the outer world . There will come a stage when you will feel closer to a person sitting thousands of miles away , smiling , liking the way he celebrated his birthday , quite oblivious to whats happening to the person next to you. The human interaction is gonna reduce , there will be more of virtual interaction.
You don't understand whats the big fuss about orkut right , well that is gonna get worse. Have you heard of Facebook Yet ?

Some fun things about the world from my side, Gulzar still is writing wonderful poetry, he is your favorite and mine too. The hubby still cracks the jokes on his poetry and I happen to enjoy those too. Bollywood has improved, you will see some amazing movies coming in years which follow and last but not the least circa 2016 you are driving , and so is your best friend.!


Lots of Love,
Me in 2016

The extended ties

Feelings of love , longing and gratitude all came together when I received a message from my mama, saying , he was remembering me, just like that and how special I am for him. I wanted to write a long reply , but only managed to say that I love him to bits.

This bond with uncles and aunts is so special. They are the ones who our parents share their childhood with. So they are also only ones whom I can share the jokes around how mom will look like, with a set of dentures and  stick , when she grows old! and they will laugh as hard as I will on those. 

They are also the ones who loved us from the moment of existence and are equally proud of our achievements ,as our parents are. But the icing on the cake is, you can get Mom and dad like love and pampering minus the nagging, minus the "how you should haves" etc. 

With the generation changing every five years now, sometimes I believe its a blessing to have someone who belongs to the one between you and your parents . On the issues related to generation gaps which are so common today , they are the catalysts between parents and kids . 

At a low point in my life, my parents were supportive and of course soft, it was my mama who showed the tough love, was straight forward and I remember feeling like a grown up after that 1 hr . His struggles , his inputs were very much I could relate to and seeing him successful as an inspiration to work harder.
On the other hand , it was my other mama who had showed me how to love and live life . Taking things light ,work like a duck who paddles harder beneath the surface but is so calm and composed on the outside.

I remember , while I was sick , my masi was there on my bedside with story of merchant of Venice which mesmerized me. I sometimes still remember her voice while trying to sleep sometimes and it does help.She was the one who gifted Oliver twist, Black beauty and other classics to me, She is the sole reason I got into reading.

The older we grow the stronger the memories become . One of those is , how I learnt to make tea from my chacha and i follow that recipe till date .  This was eventually by followed by how to roll a paratha, but most importantly it was the lesson which I learnt early on from him was that one should contribute to the chores irrespective of being a boy or girl.  

I have also been blessed to have uncles and aunts who have been amazing mentors personally and  professionally. While, I took important career decisions, it was them who provided the unbiased pragmatic suggestions and also the space to sit back and analyse if those suggestions matched my aspirations and ambitions . They have been role models for me then and now as well. At tough times , I have seen him standing strong like a rock for the family , there is lot to learn from him.

Today when the definition of family is evolving , shrinking and getting limited and emphasis on extended family relationship is getting diminished , I want to treasure what I have .
When my son does the impression of my cousin, i know he feels a strong bond with her, when he  shows drawings and talks about his friends for a good two hours on face time with his masi, I am assured that this will be their equation forever .
I felt proud when he said his fingers are very small to count and family is very very long :) . Needless to say his list included Bua,bhaiyyas,masi , nana ,nani, dada dadi , mama,our pets and so on . Now, while reciting the finger family poem we include our fingers too and have additions like mama finger , bua finger....you must be getting the picture, it is indeed a cute one !I just hope he may always need extra pair of hands to count his finger family .