Fuzzy memories

Oh, how I use to look forward to much awaited winter vacation during my childhood. Usually, they followed daunting half yearly exams and meant a week of break from waking up in chilly winter mornings, savor on special winter delicacies, which extended family and neighbors obliged us with and enjoy the warm sun few hours of the day in open , before wrapping ourselves in warm rajais and call it a day .The festivities meant relishing the special chulha rotis  which my father use to happily roll and invite the neighbors and relatives over .  The angheethi use to overwork those special days, doubling up as our room heater in the morning and replacing the cooking top in nights.

Share long conversations with nani and more nanis’ over dal and dhoklas dipped in desi Ghee  . Little did I realize at that time, that they had more of life’s wisdom than all those self-help books. Those were the days when deciding the next day’s menu before ending today’s dinner with gajar halwa didn’t border on the thin line between gluttony and pleasure.

The vacations meant multiple trips to Tibetan market and clad ourselves on warm fuzzy good things. This also meant finding “Supatra”  for  yearly donation of warm wear and linens, to make space for the new ones. The quest to find something special in those big steel trunks  was one activity I use to look forward to. It was like a treasure hunt , to find something special admist the knick knacks,the old year dairies , the hand written letters , some old jewelry box and what nots .The pleasure which hand- me-downs bought during these activities, far exceeded having the new clothes. I do remember feeling on top of the world, wearing one of my masi’s half jackets come overcoat with all possible colors . Some memories are special.

Another funny incident I remember, is one where in I acted totally smug, in front my convent going cousins, planning to celebrate Christmas while decorating the Bougainvillea  tree . I not only spoilt the celebration but gave them a lecture on how this is all western influence and how I plan to celebrate Indian new year instead which is called Chaitra Shukla Pratipada ,by the way J .

The phase continued for a long time as I studied in a Hindu philosophy school and I continued to refuse to accompany my parents to the new year get together they planned to go .  I still remember the irritated look on my  Papa’s face wherein he didn’t know how to question my actions as I was following what I was taught at school . Somehow all the kids know how to give hard time to their parents.  We are born with that skill and now I can vouch for it .

While I moved away from home, the meaning these winter days carry has changed.  Angheethis are now only special sights , may be replaced as barbeques in some houses . I still yearn to have one someday.  Long conversations still happen over the phone but pauses do not convey the same as they use to.  The impatient me breaks them with hello hellos to ensure that the line is not disconnected.Its strange how our mind makes the memories feel so special.  We are able to cherish them better this way . Strangely , it was the nip in the air today morning and the adrak wali chai which bought back the above memories and this write up :)

While I dont get to relive all of the above , I still am looking forward to make most of this time of the year. With this being the end of the year and less load of work I am getting to do what I love the most. Who knows my hour and a half lunch break of today with long conversations with my office friends would become a cherished memory  sometime down the line. After all it had all the elements to be one with all the discussions on love relationships , family and yummy food .

Vagaries of Perception

It rarely happens, that we tend to read and reread a forwarded message on watsapp, but one I got today from a long lost friend which really struck a chord with me.

It was a small note from creative director of JWT titled The dirtiest secret of my life. Before your mind wonders to what it would really be about ..Her dirtiest secret was that in a career spanning across 20 years, there has never been a day when she has spent more than 8 hours in office.She cites the often misconceived notion of  a trade off  between efficiency of work with  flexibility in working hours which women often seek.

When it comes to feeling guilt for things we have done and things we have not..we women are all alike. Be it with rather successful names like Indira Nooyee &Sharyl Sandburg who have been very honest about it in public and to mango people like our moms and us . Personally speaking , I have fed this inner guilt incessantly and Since I become a mother,  may be my subconscious is trained to feed it even more.

Remember this widely shared  post on Facebook - 

Its funny isnt it but how true !
Well this is the difference between thought processes of Men and Women.We grow up with this notion of not doing enough. We are never  fair enough, tall enough , thin enough or talented enough!.

Believe me the whole beauty industry does thrive on this insecurities.
Remember , the one trip to spa and saloon , wherein you went for a single service until the service lady cited the are numerous issues with your hair and skin which their special package can totally totally take care of..and  you ended up signing up for those.

As we grow up , Its very difficult to let go of these strongly ingrained beliefs and when we assume more responsibilities at work or home , the inner voice of grows stronger and reminds us constantly that our house is not clean enough, our toddler stays way to many hours at day care ..the work we do is not good enough or we don't deserve that promotion because we really are NOT doing enough.
Being the only women in my team there is never a day when I don't feel guilty of picking up my bag sharp and 6 and leave office premises . There is never a single time when I have not felt bad of declining a meeting invite after 6 PM. Also there has never been a day so far where in I have never felt guilty of not being able to stay with my son whole day. Paradoxical isn't it.

There must be some key , some magic to just ward off these feelings, to just shoo them away when they start forming this cloud but certainly there is none.

The other day when I was discussing the same with a friend of mine about this she said something which has helped me changed this perspective. She said -you know what our kids are learning from it.? They will learn to work hard and follow their passions.
Looking back at my child hood,  I don't remember feeling lonely when my mom was at work.My sister and I had a very happy childhood and never did we feel something missing because Ma had to go to office. For us that was just NORMAL.

Someone very close to me has recently started working after a gap of 8 years and take up something which doesn't fully aligns with her qualification as well but she chose from whatever was available. On answering why -she said she wanted to be an example for her kids and Indeed, they will get perseverance and tremendous work ethic from her.


Probably it sums up to Our Choices really, but may be the key is to Not make our choices sound as compromises . The positive developments in society are conspicuous, there are husbands who was super supportive, there will always be people in Sr Management who will value the commitment and would not hesitate to  trust you with higher responsibilities. The whole idea of long hours spent at office being equated to higher productivity is changing and may be it will change for good and It probably will be sooner than we think.

The Mighty 2ft 2incher

Remember, two most cliched dialogues from 70s movies "Bachhe to bhgwaan ka roop hote hain" and "Bhagwaan ki marji k aage kiska bas chalta hai" ? Combine these two and you will get an insight on the wisdom exclusive to the the "Terrible twos" mommie club .Gone are the days of cuddly embraces , cutie drools , toothless grins and wobbly walks, which use to drive me crazy in a loving sort of way . The new Almighty avatar of Mr T is highly assertive, knows it all and is  annoyingly,Brutally cute.
He defies me , with conviction only a two year old can have , at one moment and hugs me tight and gives me a pack on the cheek ! the next. Literally makes his papa and me dance to his tunes and croons of machli jal ki rani hai, Go banana, wheels on the bus and his vary own creation Tu Tu Pan...(dont even ask me the meaning of it , I am also trying to figure out).

His whims and fancies are my command these days, I have to give away my blanket at 11PM  for his tortoise and doggy who need the cuddly comfort of blanket coz there is no fur on their plastic bodies. I melt at the the sound of two words "Siiit mamma" and get up and forget all about the sleep I was about to get engulfed with . Its 11 PM and yes there is an aerobics session I have at 6 in the morning . If this sit mamma gets followed by "ya pe sit  mamma " when points to his crib and asks me to sit next to him , leave aerobics I even forget that its night.

I happily call his Dadaji from the toy phone and tell how he is doing , what he ate and whom did he play with and suppress the bout of laughter , when he prompts to remind me of something I missed.
And yes , I dont get embarrassed when I am given a baby wipe and  asked to clean the mall floor, his play area slides and even other public places because he found them "chi chi" .

My phone is not mine at all , and yes it sadly is the property of my office which m sure they will disown seeing the state of it , for the trials and tribulations it undergoes in hands of Mr T. Give Me .GIVE ME and the shouting continues till he succeeds in snatching it from my hands. Sometimes he says "Ipad chahiye" in his sleep and I burst out laughing in the middle of the night hearing this.

The other day Mr T changed 8 T shirts and shorts to find the perfect pair, which came out to be the one he has worn last night , to go to school. My frustration turns into a smile and then laugh when he admires himself endlessly in the mirror in his slightly soiled T shirt and shirts and says "So cute!!!!"

He makes stories every now and then . Last night he was complaining that his head hurts because "Armani" has hit him there. Not to miss the fact that "Armani" has relocated to US 2 months ago. He is fascinated with friends these days , there is a Siya didi he misses every hour of the day and meets her every evening , like he is seeing her after ages!! . He has also found a role model in "Gappu bhaiyya" and follows him literally in every aspect. Sometimes that even includes calling me Shippa Aunty as Gappu bhaiyya calls me that. I am fascinated by the mentoring Gappu bhaiyya provides to him , its he who has taught Mr T how to brush, how to wash hands and I am hoping one day....One day he will even potty train Mr T.
He has a little social circle of his own now and my a large part of my friend circle are his friends mommies..and yes so comforting it is to spend time with them .
He has a special relationship with every one in the family now. Calls my cousin and his best friend Sammu numerous times in a day and has ample to talk about every time. The other day he was showing the new trutle toy to Sammu so excitedly I couldn't stop smiling . They have special games to play with each other.
Then their are special names
His circle of love and affection is growing and trust me there is no feeling better than seeing him love the people we love .

So different is the second year from the first. He is not a baby anymore but rather his own person. Has strong likes and dislikes and gosh!! he is much more demanding than any manager I have got in my career so far :).Some days, I wish I could have a remote button for life I would just pause this phase of my life. The other days I couldn't stop wondering what will he do next.

At times I wonder am I doing everything as I should be. Am I an being an over indulgent parent ? Should I be a little stricter or a little lenient .May be I am learning with him every day .., may be there is no right no wrong , together we will figure out whats best for us. I am doing what my heart says , probably it will be best for him , may be that's what they call mother's instinct.

Lousy home makers' guide to Happyness

Oh yeah ..the pile of washed clothes smirked at me first thing in the morning ..they just mock at me somehow and spare every body else.My husband enjoying his morning cuppa peacefully in front of his heavily gadget-ed desk ,too busy to even notice the  mocking. The mocking turns into disapproving unappreciative glances, if you have rather elderly guests coming over .Then the piles of clothes, disarranged wardrobes,dirty dishes disorganized kitchen cabinets and unkempt dusty corners and yes the dirty greasy fans and balcony ceiling cobwebs..they turn into these annoying attention craving babes, who will vie for your attention and if they don't get it there and then ..then be ready :D the Tag of lousy home make is here to stay ...

My granny is a perfect home maker , she is more than perfect..I just don't happen to know the superlative. My Mom a working mother , on the other hand struggled with it. Of course she had her hands full with two messy kids, a full time job , no domestic help. Of course, my dad helped but there are limitations Indian men have when it comes to house hold chores and being a perfectionist my mom is ..she never accepted it.
She always belittled her achievements and secretly nurtured this complex of not being that picture perfect home maker. Well I really feel she should know she is much more than that .

During an MBA admission interview, a senior lady professor asked me what is one thing I would like to change in my spouse and I said I wish he could help me more around the house.  Do you know what she replied , that its best if the women of the house takes care of it , that why she is called the woman of the house anyway. Now Beat that !!
We Indian women grow up with the notion that the house hold chores are our responsibilities.We never bother to ask Why? I remember neighborhood nighties and chunnis clad aunties getting out of the house to bargain with that sabji wala over aloo ka price , then managing the maids closely so that she doesn't leave that particle of dust under the telephone table, cooking ,cleaning and doing all they can to welcome the husbands and kids to sparkling clean home . There must have been more to their personalities which subsided under these responsibilities. We are bound to feel guilty of cobwebs hanging in the balcony and receiving an unflattering remark about it . Why do we take the onus to just our selves to make it everything proper around the house . If some one appropriates that the house is so well done we beam from ear to ear..Why ? It should be a collectivize responsibility and achievement  of the family as a whole.

We are are different human beings and the we should develop the maturity to accept each other or rather accept our selves ..If keeping things in order , if keeping the house spotless , cooking to the perfection day in day out, gives me pleasure , I will definitely pursue this goal with all I have got. But if I am the one who likes to take a day off now and then, who enjoys reading a book more than arranging the cupboard shelves on a Sunday, so be it . If I like going to a mall rather than stay and cheelo matar at home I will do that . The key I feel, is the acceptance i.e accepting ourselves. We should respect our hobbies our passions and set our priorities right.

So with generation, I think this gene has mutated and I have made peace with disarray of thing around. I am OK to be a lousy home maker. I dont mean to say that I detest chores ( who doesn't though ) but I set my priorities. I am ok with replacing the dead batteries in that high hung wall clock after months, I will check the time in my cell ,instead. I wont run to the store there an then to get the stuff , i order online and if I have to opt for maggi some days, I dont feel guilty about it .  I dont feel running around the maid is my job! Whats the use of domestic help if I have to go and check every day ......I clean when I feel like . I cook when I feel like. I take my days off and do the things which i feel I ought to be doing for my well being.

So today when the pile of clothes mocked , I chose to ignore and enjoyed my morning cuppa. I went to play with my munchkin and make the best of one hour I have before leaving for office .Its the bat ball time ....its Mamma dominating the women of the house and its gonna remain like this for years to come.

The Darjavas ,Baboons and other joys of parenthood

Its a funny family thing , my parents and I call darwaja as darjava, . The nomenclature was performed by my little sister, and it stayed for 25 years and doesnt seem to be going anywhere for next 25, at least. Though, she graduated to darwaja , pig and bakri from darjava ,pigri and kabli respectively, a long long time ago , the names got stuck with us and we still dont seem to get over these.

Being a Mom to a toddler I can now relate with the joy my parents would have felt when we would have spoken our first words. I feel a surge of excitement when Mr T calls a baloon , baboon, the bathroom as bathoom, a dog bhu bhu , a car pi pippi and so on. The pride grows even more when he does the rolling wheels action pleading me........naah rather, ordering me to put on  wheels on the bus video on you tube on the ipad. Not to mention, that the funky gadget once belonged to my husband , who doesn't get to enjoy it anymore.  My heart goes to him when I see him surfing on our 5 years old laptop, with almost no keys on the right place and then the moment little one puts his choice of Bingo video on Ipad, the same heart swells with so much pride .

I give in and yet again give in to his demands of a daily lollipop while coming back from school , a new ball almost every day and a new baboon to be filled up every half hour till he goes to sleep.Still, smiles ,hugs and kisses in return , never fail to bowl me over. Its amazing, how a toddler is controlling every moment of my day, every thought and action of mine. Also probably all my conversations , which my friends colleagues and neighbors or rather my whole social circle would readily agree .

The idea of a fun outing these days is to either a park, a zoo, play dates and if its a lucky day , then birthday parties  .  Mr T makes me believe that birthday cakes are the yummiest food on the earth and nothing can be more precious than the return gifts. Gone are the days when weekends included lazing around until mid mornings ,Shopping afternoons, catching up late night movie shows and romantic dinner dates. Online shopping which once was a craze, is a necessity now unless, running behind a toddler in mall corridors is your idea of a work out. And yes, face the stares of shop attendants making you feel like a shop lifter , when a 2 yr old takes the stuff and runs out of the shop in midst of repeated beeps of sensors buzzing on the doors. .

My days now start with the morning cuddles and sleepy smiles which lasts for 15 min and then the fun begins. He doesnt call it a night until he has had his daily set of jumps and ridings on my back .

These days he has learnt the magic word NO. Mr  T take bath --No , Mr T please wear the diaper , NO Mr T lets have breakfast NO. I wonder,  if he thinks I do not understand the word at all because he turns his head at a speed which might induce a pain in the neck , frustrated.

Motherhood also seems to have intensified a crazy streak in me .  Rainy weather which once was romantic and refreshing now raises my BP. I worry endlessly that he might catch cold or viral. Every fever bout sucks the life out of me. Every mosquito now is an arch enemy and I feel the onus to extinct their race, is on me. Every sneeze is an alarm  of something more serious. Every throw up makes me suspect food allergies . Every phone call from his school raises my anxiety level manifolds. Two days back he stuck his head between two rods in play area and got himself in a tricky situation ..its been 3 days and the nightmare of same episode has not failed to wake me up at night . But everything seems just right when I see him sleeping next to me with an angelic smile. It feels everything in the world is just right. Perfect.

So immersed we are in this little world every thing else seems trivial. We have forgotten what life was like before him  .  Days are filled with laughter , every milestone is a moment of celebration now. It seems my thought process has changed . I appreciate , all blessings the God has bestowed on us .
I remember as a self doubting new mom I asked my Ma, how will I be able to take care of him and She said Love makes it all happen . It sure does :)

Life is what you make it - An inspiring read

Lately, I have been following Preeti Shenoy's blog closely . I indeed wait for her new postings and a large part of my leisure time is spent on her earlier ones . I thoroughly admire upbeat attitude reflected, so well in her writing.
I ordered her latest 'Tea for two and a piece of cake' and 'Life is what you make of it ' together , from flipkart last week and Needless to say once I couldn't put any of the books down once I started reading 'em.

So after a weekend very well spent on 'Life is what you make of it ', turns out that this is one of the finest books I have ever read in recent past. I felt like I was on a journey with Ankita and experience her exhilaration, joys , sorrows and frustrations .


The striking thing about the book is that Preeti has managed to bring out the patients perspective so well . You feel overwhelmed as Ankita goes through a maniac phase accomplishing things far fetched for normal ability and Your heart cries for Ankita when she is realizes her ability to read and comprehend has been lost to her depressive phase cycle, when she is scared to face her parents and the social stigma attached to mental illness in our society. Her character fits the girl next door image to the 'T' . She could be any one of us and that's the high point of the book. This book instills the thought in our mind that people suffering from mental illness are just plain simple people who we all know and meet in daily walks of life. If our acceptance of people doesn't change if we discover , they suffer from high BP or Diabetes then why do we fail to accept people with bipolar disorder.


The author has been audacious enough to take up a subject least discussed in hush hush tones in our society and has done to full justice to almost every aspect of it . The book certainly strikes a chord anyone has experienced mental disorders , not necessarily first-hand . The book captures the perspectives of the patients and people close to them, both dumbfounded with occurrence of sudden events, failing miserably to cope and comprehend .

It address the social stigma attached to Bi-Polar disorder and other mental conditions and instills a the deep faith that as any other illnesses , these could be managed very well too. People suffering from these do lead normal and highly successful lives when they learn to cope and not break down with such diseases.
Here is where Ankita's story will comes out as an inspiration . I strongly recommend this book. I also wish this book reaches to the patients who suffer from such conditions and their families to as a source of strength.

Not to mention a praise about Preeti's writing style which is simple , straight forward and never ones fail to capture reader's attention.

Kudos to Preeti Shenoy for this book . My respect for her has increased manifolds after I read this.

an Inner child in my grandmom

I talk to my Nani every day, the first thing before I start my day in office. Somehow talking to her gives a head start to my day and fills me with positive energy essential for day’s challenges.

But today it was different. Today her voice was euphoric, filled with giggles, laughter and chirpiness of a teenager. And the credit goes to her two sisters who were visiting her after a long time. The bond she shared with these two will be so different from what she shares with rest of us . Though in their 70’s they are still the same little girls in each other’s company. I wonder how their childhood have been. They never had tens of dolls, tons of games , cupboards full of soft toys and summer vacations at exotic places. Rather they faced difficulties to make ends meet still their child hood memories are as beautiful as they can be.

This got me thinking, in all our years of togetherness, I never got to explore this side of hers. She got married at the age of 13 and had a kid by 17. She never lived the childhood she deserved. Domestic responsibilities dominated most part of here life but still , she has managed to keep alive the child like enthusiasm . The same goes for here sisters as well.

She is an elixir of life for me.I have always known here to be calm composed, eternal positive thinker, my personal google for every difficulty I have and seeing her unwinding, reliving her childhood filled me up with indescribable emotions, somehow I loved my Girly Nani Today.